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what

[ it feels like his blood just turned to ice reading that. colder then how cold this apartment is, worse then seeing the agents empty room, a pit in his stomach, a tightness around his eyes. ]

the village is what?

[ why would the agent apologize, unless it was still there. saheon is here in the darkness, but he's lost so many months, april is just a short while away. if the village is still there he needs to return or he'll expire. he go insane. it wont matter what he has or hasn't done here, because he'll be a drooling incoherant shell that will recite the same inspid crap he's always hated and then kill itself or worse!

so who cares what he writes now. it all comes as a hurried scrawl. ]

i didnt kill him
please you have to get me out of herre is the village still there?

i didnt touch him. running away isnt murder. not wanting to die isnt a crime. i just wanted to leave.

[ saheon is selfish to a degree, a sort of character that focuses on the well-being of himself and very few people around him. the village is an important piece of him, it haunts him and shapes his actions to his very core. the concept of the village is that controlling, and he knows better than to give in with the answer.

it's just not time yet, or maybe he shouldn't. he desperately wants to know, even the incoming next emphasis how much that meant to him. ]

[ saying that doesn't sit well with him, though. it's because of how he says it, what does any of that have to do with anything else? in the face of danger, baek saheon is a coward who will save himself, so why does that matter if he wanted to leave?

they all wanted to leave!! ]

[ he'll dangle the carrot though, let him know how close he is. it's only fair even though kim soleum doubts saheon is even making sense. he's probably rambling, his mind too far gone when it comes to the concept of his village.

luckily, he'll talk. he'll say whatever he needs to get what he wants. what will he give for answers? ]

[ looks like they're losing connection!! or how soleum's trying to portray it anyway. ]

[ everything of course. the agent already knows everything about saheon anyway. what's a little more? ]

yeah.yeah yeah yeahyes

its okay. i lived its okay. it worked. i just asked but it worked.

like how you asked me and i helped?

[ grasping at straws, he helped the agent when he didn't have too, which was good. sleep helped him when she didn't have to, which was...it didn't mean anything. she didn't have to help him. he just asked. he just prayed to himself and something heard. ]

what do you want me to say? i wanted them all to die. thats not a crime it was just a

thought

please what happened to the village sir

[ ...

...

much like earlier, and luckily kim soleum had made the words fuzz out, fade from time to time as though they're going through a poor connection. he feels... annoyed, no, this feeling of disgust, no, this tight feeling in his gut where ooze draws up to his throat. baek saheon lived because he asked... for help?

if it was anyone else but agent choi or the other man with them, soleum would have never known. there are entities that can be reached, individuals who can bring back the dead— espera, one, there's sleep. what he knows of her, a young creature probably obsessed with the concept of romance, will probably throw a temper tantrum if her belongings are taken. could he, would he? it's not the first time baek saheon has called on the help of an entity that resulted in negative results.

fuck, fuck, fuck!

and he's happy about it?!

and they suffered for it?!

why couldn't it have been me who died?

selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish. ]

[ and if soleum could, if he could break baek saheon's jaw so he could no longer speak, if he could crush that brain of his underneath his work shoe that he could no longer think. if he could deface what makes baek saheon so appealing to supposed higher powers that they'd no longer look his way and he would have to suffer on his own with no one and nothing.

...

soleum doesn't even know if that would make him happy. ]

[ Saheon would probably prefer some of that, all of it maybe, to the nauseating anxiety he feels waiting for the words to appear on the page. It just doesn't matter if he did this or that, or who lived or died, when it's suddenly a matter of not just his life, but his tenuous grasp to human sanity. Haha. What he has left, anyway.

What is important about this? It's just how the world works. It's not unique or worth examining. The agent is stringing him along. He doesn't care, and Saheon doesn't have any good excuse with his brain like this. There are a thousand running disordered: they threatened me, they were going to kill me if i tried to run, they would have done the same, they were probably thinking the same thing, but he can't make sense of what the agent would want to hear. ]

why does it matter.

[ Because the honest truth is that he didn't want them to die for any reason at all. ]

we were going to die. i just wanted it to be them instead of me

and

andd

a

anybody would say yes then. you woudld? you would. it wasnt like i could take it back, and we were all dead anyway, so why does it matter if someone wants to help me?

[ there's blame, because there was no "we", there was never any "we", and kim soleum feels like he's talking to a dog that can't stop pissing on the floor. how many times will it take until he stops? ]

[ no one has to die for saheon to live, it's always been his choice who dies over and over again. before, even this time too, the fact he called upon some higher power and they listened to him. it drives a knife through soleum, he bleeds at the realization, if only he had known it was possible.

he didn't know. he should have done more. even if it was pinning the man down to keep redirect his focus on him, he should have done something. ]

....

[ But there's nothing to say. Outside the letter, he leans down against the cold surface of a nearby dumpster bin, the frozen putrid overflowing garbage, feeling the cold seep through his coat and into his back. There's nothing to say. The agent says that, because he's a good person, but all Saheon can think is that if the crime was wanting people to die, then that was a crime he committed every day, every hour, every conversation. He wished someone dead the second he saw them, for no other reason then he found their presence uncomfortable.

Help him. What a joke. What a stupid joke. The agent is such a fool.

He flips the boat over. The pen is in his hand. He flips the boat over. The pen touches the paper. He removes it. Puts it down. Removes it again. He flips the boat again. The words the agent wrote have already faded away, he's only staring at the ones singed in his memory.

He has to think of something, or he won't get answers. ]

do you want an apology

[ He can't do it. He can. It would only take writing, he doesn't need to think, he can find the words the agent wants to hear. ]

because i did it too you too

[ blood, effort, determination, help from others brought them back. an apology never did a thing, cursing at himself did nothing, there was nothing he can do that's as simple as saying a few simple words was able to bring them back. baek saheon should understand that, for his own circumstance, didn't it take him gambling on others to flee from his ugly livelihood? wasn't it risking it all on someone to handle it be the reason why...

however, when soleum thinks about why saheon felt that no one could help him, that he had to rely on something like that. isn't it the same song and dance from before, it's so ingrained into him that he would refer to it. it's why soleum should have been more mindful, but he was afraid himself, he couldn't do much because he's weak. ]